Fair warning, I’m going to acknowledge that I myself is perfectly guilty of some of the following. Something I do is probably so annoying to someone, so no one is without fault. But these are things that annoy me, doesn’t mean that I’m gonna force anyone to change. This is just a list of things I can’t stand, you may feel differently.
When Someone Chews With Their Mouth Open
This is probably something a lot of people hate, and a lot of people do, but this makes my teeth hurt. I feel physically ill when I have to watch someone swish their food around in their mouth. I did not pay to watch Hot Cheetos die a gruesome death between your chompers. The only thing worse than someone chewing with their mouth open, is someone talking with food in their mouth.
When Someone Talks With Food In Their Mouth
I hate the sound, I hate the sight, and (if I’m close enough) I hate the smell. This is something I find myself doing from time to time, so believe me, I understand. You have something to say but you also wanna eat so why not? Why not tell everyone about the time you got a rock stuck in the opening of your Heeley’s? But I also can’t stand it. I can’t stand the thought of them saying something and then getting the food that was in their mouth on my skin. It’s enough to make me gag at the thought.
Poking My Shoulder
In fact, why don’t I cover all the bases, POKING ME AT ALL. I hate hate hate being poked. Mostly because that means I was really engrossed in what I was doing and this person got tired of calling for my attention, and mostly because the feeling of someone’s finger digging into my skin is like nails on a chalkboard. Just call my name! Say my name if you want my attention. Chances are that if I’m not answering I’m already busy with something else.
There is nothing anyone has to say that is worth excusing them poking me. Because now you have my attention, but I’m already really annoyed with you. So whatever you ask for is an immediate no, whatever conversation you were hoping of fostering will be immediately shut down, and I will go right back to doing what I was doing. Only now I’m actively trying to ignore you.
I can admit that this one isn’t all that fair, and in some respects can be seen as needlessly petty, but I hate repeating myself. I have two volumes, loud as hell and library voice. I have absolutely no volume control, so I understand that sometimes it can be hard to hear me. Or hard not to hear me. But let’s be honest, I’m loud more than I am quiet. So when I’m actively trying to speak at a reasonable volume, it’s annoying to repeat something I said over and over and over again.
Simple fix, you say? Why not just speak louder? Well how about the fact that more often not I’m way louder than I need to be, and I’ve gone my whole life with someone telling me to shut up. It just sucks to think that I’m finally speaking at a reasonable tone, and still have to correct myself.
Also there was this running joke where you’d say huh to a person so they’d repeat themselves and now I’m just paranoid that someone’s doing it to me. Even though I’m practically an adult at this point.
When The Black I’m Wearing Doesn’t Match
This one’s pretty universal so put down your pitch forks and torches. It’s frankly annoying to wear a black shirt, black jeans, a black jack, and a pair of black booties and have none of it match.
Like, the boots are a coal black, and the shirt is a slate black and it’s all just awful. God forbid one of my blacks is faded! The worst part of all this though, is the fact that you can’t even tell until you’re in the light of day.
Nothing like the sun to shine a light on your failures.
So there you have it, the Top 5 List of shit that bothers me. Not something I ever thought I’d be categorizing. Just to once again be clear, if you do any of these things, there’s nothing wrong with you. Like I’ve stated I am plenty guilty of some of these, but it’s easier pointing a finger than pointing out my hypocrisy.
(I wrote this post while listening to Safe by Dumbfoundead)